Love Is The Problem
by emquin
Summary: Sebastian is in love with one of his best friends — one of his married best friends. A tribute to one of the classic storylines from Love Actually. Anyone familiar with the movie knows what I'm talking about.


**Author's Note: So, I let myself indulge a little and write something I've wanted to write for years (and I think since it is my birthday that I could let myself)…which is a little tribute to one of my favorite movies, Love Actually. It is Klaine and Kurtbastian and all kinds of heartbreaking while still holding on to the Love Actually feeling that is all about hope and love…so, enjoy. **

* * *

><p><strong>Love Is The Problem<strong>

Love was not the sweet balm that left someone giddy and excited and as if the entire world was right there waiting to be grasped. It wasn't a feeling of warmth or of comfort and happiness. Love was not in any conceivable way the only thing that someone needed to be able to live. At least, none of this was true for Sebastian Smythe who stood with his hands pressed to the glass of his apartment window looking down at the unmistakable figures of his best friends who were walking away with their hands linked.

Love was, in his opinion, the worst thing that could have happened to him. It was a pang of pain when he watched them, the shortness of breath when a smile was directed in his direction. It was the tightening of his chest and the overwhelming feeling of falling off a precipice and knowing that there would be nothing to hold onto.

He pulled back from the window and stumbled away in the direction of his bedroom and then flopped onto his bed and closed his eyes. Blue-green eyes haunted him, floated in his mind's eye taunting him.

Falling in love had never been in Sebastian's plan, especially not falling in love with the guy that had only two months ago gotten married to his high school sweetheart. Sebastian didn't do love. He did attraction, sex, and he most definitely didn't so dates or romance. But something about Kurt Hummel had changed everything and Sebastian didn't know how he had done it exactly, but he'd shoved himself in and just like with anything else, Sebastian hadn't had a choice but to let him.

A huge sigh escaped him, and then he sat up. His phone vibrated in his pocket and he fished it out.

**Kurt**

_You ass, I don't know how you did it, but you completely made me forget why we came over to yours in the first place! _

Sebastian let himself smile. Anything involving Kurt made him smile even when he didn't want to and it pained him to know that he was so sappily in love with Kurt that he couldn't even control his smiles.

He read the message over again. Photography had never been an obvious choice for him, but somehow Sebastian had fallen into it just as much as he'd fallen into Film School instead of pre-law. Kurt and Blaine had had a lot to do with Sebastian figuring out his passions. They had pushed him and encouraged him and Kurt more than Blaine, had been there for him when his father didn't seem to understand his changing interests.

Maybe that was when he fell in love, when he saw how much Kurt fought for him and believed in him. Sebastian also had to admit to himself that it was Kurt's beauty. It was how despite how hard Sebastian tried, he just couldn't capture everything that was Kurt in any of the pictures he took of him.

At the wedding he had been in charge of all photography and filming. It had served as a good distraction, but Sebastian had even botched that.

The video was already burned on a DVD, not that Kurt needed to know that, but the end result was as much a show of Sebastian's love for Kurt as it was Sebastian admitting it out loud. The pictures, at least featured Blaine though they too were flooded with Kurt. Ten of Kurt to one of Blaine and such a focus on Kurt even when Blaine was in the frame as well that there would be no mistaking that Sebastian had been basically trying to cut Blaine right out of his own wedding album.

His phone vibrated again.

**Kurt**

_I'm coming by tomorrow and you are giving me those pictures and that video. No more distractions. I mean it, Bas._

Sebastian didn't answer that text either. He knew there would be no dissuading Kurt. Everything was just going to fall apart and this love that Sebastian felt would break him apart.

"Maybe, I just won't be home tomorrow," Sebastian said.

But avoiding Kurt for one more day wouldn't mean that Kurt would give up. That just wasn't how he worked. Sebastian loved him for his persistence. He dropped back onto his bed and stared at his ceiling for a while.

The plan had never been to stay in New York after he graduated. He'd always intended on leaving for France. Kurt and Blaine had changed his plans, giving him reasons to stay. The thought of being away from Kurt had made the decision easier and then there had been a job offer and a million other excuses for why he would stay a while longer. Now, looking back, it had been a mistake to stay.

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><p>The next morning, the knock on his door was what woke him. Then, his apartment door was opening and he heard footsteps.<p>

"Bas, you better not still be sleeping," Kurt said and his melodic voice carried into Sebastian's room as he approached, "and you better not be naked."

Sebastian didn't bother getting up, or moving when Kurt opened his bedroom door, or even when Kurt got on the bed and laid himself down next to him.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi," Kurt whispered and then after a long silence, "what's wrong, Bas?"

"Wrong?"

Kurt nudged his side through the blankets, "Yes, wrong. You've been acting a bit off. Even Blaine noticed and you know how oblivious he is. So, what happened? It's not your dad again is it?"

It wasn't too surprising to know that Kurt was worried about him. After all, this was Kurt who was the most compassionate person that Sebastian knew, but it was surprising that Kurt hadn't arrived to demand his pictures and video.

"Nothing is wrong," he whispered, "everything is the same. I'm just tired."

Kurt snorted. "Right, and I birthed a bunny."

"Did you really? Did you cheat on Blainers with Bugs Bunny? Scandalous."

Kurt nudged him again. "Bas!"

"Kurt!"

Kurt sat up, and looked over at him. "You'd tell me if there was something seriously wrong, right?"

"Of course," Sebastian said and then, "I've been thinking about moving to France."

"What? You can't! Sebastian, you have a life here."

Sebastian shrugged his shoulders. He knew that it would be hard to dissuade Kurt from making a big deal out of it, but he was also starting to feel like it was the only sane thing that he could do. Things had been different before the wedding. There had always been the hope there in the back of his mind that told him Blaine might go and mess it all up again. Now that they were married and that they'd returned from a three week honey moon even more attached to each other than ever, Sebastian knew that it was time to just step back.

"I always meant to," Sebastian said and then coward that he was, "but it's just a thought."

Kurt regarded him for a long time and then he sighed. "Ultimately it is your choice. It would be a stupid choice, but your choice nevertheless."

Sebastian pushed his blankets away, and he heard Kurt gasp.

"Sebastian!" He squealed.

"Shit," Sebastian said, "not like you haven't seen all this before though."

He slipped his discarded boxers from the day before on. "I'm decent."

"I'm married now, Smythe," Kurt said, "and that was full frontal."

"And?" Sebastian asked and wiggled his eyebrows.

Kurt who was turning red, glared at him. "And what?"

"Well, what are your thoughts? Do I compare to the hubby?"

Kurt mumbled something that Sebastian didn't catch and then he was off the bed and walking to the door. "There's a reason I came here and your nudity will not deter me so get dressed and then we're watching my wedding video."

Kurt turned on his heel and the door to Sebastian's room closed behind him. Sebastian groaned. He lingered in front of his wardrobe and then took as long as he could getting into his clothes.

"So, breakfast?" he said once he was in his living room.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I brought coffee and bagels. We can eat while we watch my video. It is ready, isn't Sebastian? Wait, actually, I know it's ready because you told me and Blaine it was. So, where is it?"

Sebastian took a deep breath and he pointed at his DVD player.

"So, what, you got it stuck or something?"

Sebastian shook his head. "Bagels and coffee first."

It only bought him a few more minutes, but then Kurt who was well versed in all of Sebastian's equipment was changing the tv from his cable box to the DVD player and sure enough the menu that he'd settled on for the wedding video appeared.

"Ah, so it is complete," Kurt said and gave him a look before he pressed play.

Sebastian closed his eyes. It wouldn't be obvious at first. Sebastian had watched it enough times to know that during the time leading up to the wedding things had still been going normally.

"I don't know why you didn't want me to watch it," Kurt said, "your camera work is great."

Sebastian merely grunted. He opened his eyes when he heard the beginning of the wedding march. The camera was focused on Kurt and his dad, closing in on Kurt's face as the light hit him, and then when he was at the altar and Blaine was walking down the aisle the camera didn't leave Kurt.

"You didn't get any of Blaine walking down aisle," Kurt said, "but you were probably just distracted by how good he looked to point the camera in his direction."

It started to become apparent that the whole video was a tribute to Kurt when even Blaine saying his vows was off camera.

"Who was filming this?" Kurt asked, "I know you had a few people on it, was there a camera on me and one on Blaine?"

It was an opening, an excellent way for Sebastian to excuse himself. To claim a mistake had happened.

The video continued, skipping on to the reception and it was there that things were more obvious. The camera followed Kurt. Any time Kurt laughed it was captured. His dance with Blaine focused more on his face than on he and Blaine. It followed him around the room taking amazing shots and ignoring Blaine entirely.

"Bas, I don't – I don't understand, what—"

Sebastian stared at the screen. Kurt and Blaine were dancing again and the camera was for once focused on the two of them.

"_Do you love him?" _Rachel's voice asked.

"_They're my best friends."_ Sebastian responded.

Kurt picked up the remote and he clicked the pause button. "Bas?"

Sebastian braced himself for it, his eyes staring at the screen where it had been paused on Kurt laughing.

"You never said anything," Kurt whispered, "Bas, you never told me, I—"

"No," Sebastian said, "I never told you I loved you, that I am in love with you." It was hard to get the words out, and to know that now that they were spoken they were there in the air for Kurt to take.

Kurt was staring at him, his nose scrunched up as he frowned.

"I love Blaine," Kurt whispered.

Sebastian nodded his head. "I know that. I know you love Blaine. So why bother to tell you how I felt when you were marrying him and loving him? Kurt, this changes nothing. It just makes you aware of how absolutely fucking pathetic I am. I didn't say anything because you love Blaine and that is that."

Kurt was still staring. "But with Blaine, when you were after Blaine you couldn't stop trying to break us up. Or is that it's me this time?"

Sebastian laughed. "I didn't know you or Blaine, then, I wanted to sleep with Blaine. I would have slept with you too. I didn't respect either of you or your relationship. It's different now. You, both of you, are my friends. And I may be in love with you, but I can respect your choices."

Kurt stepped forward and suddenly Sebastian was in his arms. "Oh, Bas," Kurt whispered.

Sebastian let himself be embraced. He breathed in Kurt who always smelled good and who smelled even better this close up. It wasn't fair, to have him so close and to know that he wasn't his. He didn't know how long they hugged, but it was enough time to compose himself and stop himself from breaking down into tears.

* * *

><p>Kurt felt like his entire world had changed. Things that hadn't made sense before, did, and he was still completely thrown after leaving Sebastian's apartment behind. Sebastian Smythe was in love with him. Not even Sebastian had been able to tell him how long his feelings had been present.<p>

When he arrived back at his and Blaine's apartment he found his husband sitting in front of the tv.

"Hey," Blaine said, "so did he give them to you?"

Kurt shook his head. "No luck. Actually, I think some of the video got ruined, but he said he would bring the photo album around next time he sees us."

He dropped onto the sofa next to Blaine and let his head fall on Blaine's shoulder. His mind was still on Sebastian and how adamant he had been that the reveal of his feelings changed nothing. It did for Kurt. It made everything clearer and harder and he didn't know if he could handle keeping something that big from Blaine.

"That's good," Blaine said, "I'm dying to see at least something from our wedding aside from the pictures we took with our phones."

Kurt nodded. Sebastian had showed him some of the pictures. A lot were of him captured on camera without any kind of notice. Somehow, Sebastian had managed to take every flattering shot of him that was possible, no bad picture in the lot. Luckily there were pictures of Blaine too. Not as many, but enough that if they took out some of the ones of Kurt, Blaine wouldn't be too suspicious.

Kurt was still trying to wrap his mind around Sebastian having feelings for him, by the time that he and Blaine were settling down into bed.

"Sebastian said he was considering going to France," Kurt told Blaine as he got into bed.

"Really?" Blaine asked surprised, "I thought he'd just gotten that offer to be involved in the shooting of some tv-show or another."

"I don't know," Kurt said and he turned off the lamp on his side of the bed.

"He did always mean to," Blaine said, "but something changed his mind. I mean, obviously you remember how we told him to stay, but I never thought he would. Maybe he's changed his mind again."

Kurt didn't see Sebastian for a few days, but he'd expected for him to pull away. So, it surprised him when one night the doorbell rang.

"Can you get it, Kurt?"

Blaine was in the middle of the living room with his headphones on, working on the music he and Sam were in the middle of recording, so he nodded. He was surprised when Sebastian was standing at the door.

He put his finger to his lips and lifted up a sign.

**Don't Say Anything. **

He dropped that one.

**I just wanted to tell you**

Kurt closed the door behind him, stepping out to the hall and he motioned for Sebastian to keep going.

**Without any hope**

Sebastian propped up the signs against the wall as he set them down.

**That I love you**

Kurt inhaled sharply.

**And that you are perfect.**

Kurt shook his head and mouthed "no" at Sebastian, "I'm really not."

**You ensnared me**

He scoffed.

**With your wit,**

**With your beautiful smile,**

**With eyes the color of the sea,**

Kurt was surprised that Sebastian could have written any of that down. He wasn't the kind to be so honest or sappy.

**And with your ass**

**(Because isn't it just glorious).**

He couldn't help but laugh all while given Sebastian a reproachful look, but it was such a Sebastian thing to add that he couldn't help but just accept it.

**Mostly though, **

**It's because you get me**

Kurt knew it was true. He nodded.

**And because the best part of any day**

**Has the two of us arguing  
><strong>

A small smile made it to his lips. He didn't fully agree, but he did love their bickering. Sebastian knew just how to get under his skin.

**I just wanted you to know.**

**We don't have to speak of it again.**

Sebastian didn't say anything. Instead he gathered his cards and he started to walk away, but Kurt couldn't just let him go. Not after the romantic gesture that was completely out of character from him.

"Bas, wait," Kurt called after him.

Sebastian didn't stop, so Kurt ran after him and he grabbed his arm before he could get to the stairs, turning him around.

"What?" Sebastian asked.

The beginning of tears were in clear in Sebastian's eyes and Kurt could see that he was in pain and it killed him to see his best friend this way.

"Thank you," Kurt said and before he could think better of it, he reached up to grab Sebastian's face between his hands.

His fingers caressed his cheeks, thumbs moving over the skin. He felt Sebastian sigh and nuzzle into his hands. Kurt pulled his face closer and after staring into Sebastian's confused green eyes for a long moment inched forward and kissed him.

Sebastian's arms snaked around his back, pulling him flush against him, and his kiss was lighting Kurt on fire from all the tingling that it was leaving behind. Kurt had intended for it to be chaste, a parting gift, but he hadn't expected to enjoy the kiss so much or to get lost in Sebastian so easily.

Kurt had known that Sebastian had to be a good kisser, he had watched him kiss other people before and leave them breathless. What he hadn't expected was to feel that way himself. To lose all inhibition because Sebastian's lips were like some magic balm that made him forget everything except that he needed to kiss Sebastian.

When they pulled away, Sebastian kept him close.

"Wow," Kurt breathed, "I don't think it was supposed to be that good."

Sebastian laughed, "I'm sorry."

Kurt leaned close again, going for another kiss, but Sebastian stopped him. "What are you doing? Kurt, you're married."

Blaine had slipped his mind. He had forgotten why he was even kissing Sebastian in the first place. His husband was just inside their apartment just a few feet away and Kurt was cheating on him.

"I…shit. That wasn't supposed to…"

Sebastian smiled sadly at him. "We can forget about it," he said, "closure if you will. Thank you, Kurt."

"If things had been different…"

"Well, Kurt, they're not. I think it's time I move on."

Kurt watched him walk away and he felt a slight pang in his chest.

When he got back inside, Blaine looked up. "Who was it?"

"One of the neighbors," Kurt said, "needed help with something."

"Oh," Blaine said and returned to his work.

Kurt smiled and dropped a kiss to Blaine's head as he passed him towards the bedroom. It could have all been the most complicated thing in the world, but Kurt knew it wasn't. The situation was simple. Sebastian loved Kurt, but he knew that Kurt belonged with Blaine. And while kissing Sebastian had been exciting and fantastic, Kurt knew he'd made his choice already. Blaine was his husband, a husband that he loved with all his heart.

* * *

><p>A few days later, when Sebastian showed up at their door again, Kurt was surprised to see him walk in after Blaine.<p>

"I just came to drop this off," Sebastian said.

"Well, now you have to stay for breakfast," Blaine said and motioned for him to sit down.

Kurt nodded, but kept his attention on the bacon he was in the middle of frying.

"Uh, sure, I guess."

"Kurt has muffins in the oven," Blaine told Sebastian, "and we know how you love those."

"I do," Sebastian said, "anything Kurt bakes is awesome though."

Kurt listened to them talk and he couldn't help but feel weird about how normal everything seemed. Then, he remembered that Sebastian had been acting like he saw Kurt as only a friend for years. It was easy for him to just keep the charade going.

When he finished frying the bacon and the eggs Blaine had finished making just a few minutes before Sebastian's arrival were on plates, Kurt finally turned to look at Sebastian.

He looked just the same, but Kurt could see sadness hiding in his eyes. It pained him.

"So," Sebastian said as he poured himself a cup of coffee, "I didn't just come to give your wedding photos. I made the decision to go to France."

"What?" Blaine asked, "but you were so excited about working on film shoots here."

Sebastian shrugged his shoulders. "I just want to be around my grandma for a little while," he said, "and there's plenty of stuff going on over there that I could get in on. I don't know how long I'll be gone. It won't be forever."

"We're going to miss you," Kurt said, "and I expect a glamorous gift when you return."

Sebastian grinned at him, and Kurt could see in his eyes the love and adoration he felt for Kurt. It was a warmth that Kurt had seen coming from very few people in his life.

After breakfast, Blaine started flipping through the pictures in the photo album Sebastian had brought them.

"These are great," he said and pat Sebastian on the back, "thank you so much."

"It was nothing," Sebastian said and then got up, "but it is time that I leave."

Kurt packed him a couple of muffins and then walked him to the door.

"I'm sorry," Kurt said, "and if it helps, if things were different, I could have very easily fallen in love with you."

Sebastian let out a heavy sigh and he leaned against the doorway. "That's what hurts the most," he whispered and walked away.

Unlike last time, Kurt just let him go. Instead, he just stared after him and he knew that his heart was breaking.


End file.
